


in this snowy sky, you are the last shining star

by akutagi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Koutarou Being Bokuto Koutarou, Christmas, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma Friendship, In a way, Inspired by Hallmark Christmas Movies, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Married Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Miscommunication, Mystery, Relationship Issues, Returning Home, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Winter, definitely more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27964874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akutagi/pseuds/akutagi
Summary: Everything stopped. Time, train of thought, body, everything else for Tsukishima because this must have been an extension of last night’s dream sequence. There was no way this was happening in present day. There was no way that the person at the door looked the same and also completely morphed and changed from the boy five years ago. Tsukishima tethered between going back to high school and standing his ground as an almost graduated college student.He was searching for words but all he could do was open his mouth in awe. When he did finally have something to say, no matter how dumb it was going to sound, he was beaten to it as the real-life ghost spoke.“Long time no see, aye?”.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were the kind of couple you only see in films. First best friends, then into something more. But at the end of their senior year, something between the two happened and things are different. Now Yamaguchi is gone and Tsukishima has been stuck in his old town with the same repetitive faces. But what happens when the tenth annual Christmas lighting and festival comes around town, and so does Yamaguchi, bringing along a new friend and mysteries of his own for the town to discover?
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14





	1. sure, it's christmas once more, but it’s another one without you here

**Author's Note:**

> [bust down the door] WERE FINALLY ON WINTER BREAK
> 
> hello everyone ! im so excited to actually have time to write and i thought that tis the season, lets give you guys a christmas present. aka a multichapter tsukiyama au with hallmark movie vibes but my own personal touch. i hope you like it and that it brings you at least a little joy considering the circumstances this holiday season :)) <3
> 
> also thank you to j (@kaeyasuni on twt) for giving this a betaread !! ilysm <33
> 
> title based on bts' crystal snow !  
> chapter based on song 'its beginning to look a lot like christmas'

_ He held his styrofoam cup of hot cocoa close as the wind began to pick up momentum. Taking sips at a pace that wouldn’t make the beverage disappear in the next minute. Though looking over at Tadashi, he was far better off, the other boy trying to get the last drop off the plastic cover.  _

_ Leaning back on the pier’s railing, he laughed, creating a puff of white dust. “Thought you said this year you’d ‘conserve your drink’ before the night was over. How’s that turning out for you?”  _

_ Yamaguchi, unamused, shoved him a little and glared as the blond chuckled to himself. “That’s not fair! It’s freezing outside!” Tsukishima always found that his boyfriend’s displeased face almost rivaled his look of enjoyment in terms of how much it made his heart flutter.  _

_ The snow was beginning to fall again and seeing Tadashi shaking due to his choice of a more fashionable and less practical jacket, he began to undo his scarf and tie it around the other. _

_  
_ _ A shudder and startled breath came out of Yamaguchi, then a blush that contrasted with the blue fabric he was burying his face into. “Thank you.” He spoke in a hushed tone, almost as if it were meant to stay internal.  _

_ “Anything for you, Yama.” He said with sincerity, before grabbing the other’s mitt into his glove and walking them to their real destination. It was true, he would do anything for the other. Tadashi was his best friend and now boyfriend after all. Why wouldn’t he spoil him here and there? Or at the very least comfort and support him in every way possible. This year would be crucial, considering it was their senior year of high school and soon college decisions would be coming out and futures to be unraveled. _

_ But it wouldn’t matter because it was, and always would be, Tadashi and Kei. Together and a force to behold, everyone knowing how strong of a bond they had with one another. And this year, that would be proven once more once Tsukishima went and got- _

“Back to the real world! You really need to fix that daydreaming problem when at the counter.” He rubbed the back of his shins, which now stung from being wacked at with the end of a broom. The shop wasn’t even that busy to warrant such an attack from his coworker and older pain. 

“You realize who you’re talking to right? Does this look like the face of someone who likes real-world people?” He motioned to his face, which was as unamused as it usually was. Especially during the Christmas season.

Tsukishima turned his face too fast away from his brother, ricocheting the elf hat’s bell to smack against his glasses. He went back to ‘counting the money’ at the cash register, or just groveling about how much time until his shift was off.

“Ahhh c’mon, don’t be like that!” The older brother leaned on his shoulder, making Kei look like a seesaw before he adjusted to the weight. “No one’s gonna come back if you look like such a grinch. And we won’t want to hurt Mom’s store-“

“Your store.” He turned to see his brother’s smile for a second falter, which he hated to see. But if it would get Akiteru to back  _ off _ then … so be it.

“Y-Yeah, well,  _ regardless!  _ I want you to enjoy this Christmas for once. At least at work.” He tried to make his face as soft and as gentle to gain some sympathy. It was working.

Sighing, he eventually agreed to give it a chance but “No promises.” 

“All I’m asking!” Then he was gone, effectively racing up the old wooden stairs glued to the wall and back to his office.

Almost immediately, did his posture slouch and smile rip away. Pleading that Christmas would go away with no noise and as meaningless as the ones preceding.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

  
  


Inside the store was usually as chilled as the outdoors, so Tsukishima wasn’t really worried about adjusting to outside once his workday was finally deemed over. However, the breath from outside was so frigid that Kei thought his feet were getting more frostbitten after each step they took. 

And if he was seeing correctly … was it starting to snow again?! 

_ Figures.  _ He grieved to himself, making another mark of an additional thing this month to sour his mood. Rummaging through his winter jacket’s pockets, he could feel the wool from his gloves, hands already warming up just thinking of slipping them on. It wasn’t unbearable late, but the winter season made the light go away effortlessly, meaning that the almost dead ‘CLOSED’ sign would be the only source of sight for Tsukishima soon. 

Trudging through the now piling snow, he went to the side of the store where his ride was, his ten year old bike. Although the marks and fading paint showed its age, it was still working effectively enough and hadn’t broken on him yet (besides the flat tire incident of three years ago). He’d been asked a plethora of times before if he wanted a new one, with more gadgets and details that Tsukishima could even think of using, yet each time he turned it down. He didn’t need the bells or whistles that newly manufactured ones had, plus this one has memories intertwined inside. One of the only reminders he had left of Yama-

A car horn makes him remember where he is and what he’s doing, looking like a fool standing in the gliding snow that’s making the tip of his nose turn a darker shade. Lifting a sleeve to shield himself from the beaming lights, he notices the lights and stupidity of rolling down their sunroof while it’s snowing. 

“The front’s gonna get all wet if you leave it open!” Tsukishima shouted out, shifting back to untangling their bike’s lock from the sidewalk’s holder. 

“And you’re going to get soaked and a cold if you bike all the way home!” Akiteru cries back, torso up now showing out of said sunroof. 

_ Just ignore him. Act like the snow clogged your ears.  _

“KEIIIII!” 

_ Stupid mittens, can’t get the last number right. _

“OH BEST BROTHER IN THE WHOLE WORLD!! CMON I HAVE YOUR FAVORITE CHRISTMAS ALBUM ALL READY IN THE CAR!”   
  
He mentally retreated to the years where they were both at home during the holiday season from college and his brother had morphed into a human Christmas jukebox. He tore his glove off in desperation in order to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. 

“ _ KEIII!!  _ C’mon stop being stubborn and get in the car. I’m not letting you get a cold. Mom told me to keep an eye-”   
  


He yanked the chain away and bike from the rack, headache now raging as much as the winter’s wind. “I’m going to Daichi’s!” 

Shrinking and then reemerging from the car, Akiteru had the engine running as he walked towards his younger brother. “Like hell you are?!” 

He considered taking the risk and jumping into the lake under the bridge in favor of swimming away from his pest. “And why can’t I?”    
  
“Because! Mom wanted us all to have a nice,  _ genuine _ , dinner every Friday before Christmas this year.” He touched Kei’s shoulder, which really pushed him over the edge. He made a sound of shock, and unexpectedness as his brother whipped around and grabbed his arm, moving it away.

Looking down, he breathed out a shallow “And I recall Mom being a part of that dinner too. Things just don’t go according to plan this time of year for us Tsukishimas huh?” 

He knew his brother would be hurt and have the same expression on his face, but Kei was too cowardly to see the damage he had caused. Wondered who he got that trait from. 

It was a while, or at least felt like a while before his older brother replied, the once gleeful and optimistic tone melted, now a pessimistic and weak little puddle. “... Fine. Don’t get sick. I’ll leave you leftovers for tomorrow’s lunch.”    
  
“Thanks.” And like that, his grip and his brother were now retreating, his brother walking back towards the car, the pounding of his winter boots on the glaze of snow becoming more distant. He drove away, hesitantly from want he could gather, since he was still too unresolved to look up and stand for his words.  _ Fuck, tonight’s gonna be awkward when I get home. Nice going.  _

In the meantime, he was thankful his brother left him be since it would have been a big embarrassment for them both to realize the truth about Tsukishima and the bike. It hadn’t been functioning correctly for weeks, but nothing was being done to fix it. Every day he would just push the prop along, making up excuses as to why he never actually rode it around like he once did. 

And now they both kept going against the storm and hoped to make it out the other end in one piece. No aspirations, no dreams, no wishes. 

Just a bike with working wheels yet no brakes to slow it down, and a boy gliding on neutral with no desire or ignition to restart his life. 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Thankfully, both the coal-fire pizza ovens and thermostat were on and blaring once he got to the restaurant. Striping his gloves away and unzipping his jacket, which was now too warm for wear. He didn’t know if Daichi was even working tonight or not, but a part of him hoped for his absence. Tsukishima just wanted some simple, cheap meal and to then avoid his brother before having to talk to him tomorrow morning before work. 

Was he asking for too much? 

He was about to go up to the hostess and ask for a single table and menu, though he already had it memorized from years of practice, but his arm was being tugged by a familiar face. “Oh.”   
  
“Don’t you ‘ _ oh _ ’ me. You should be going ‘ _ Yay! _ ’ or ‘ _ Gosh I’m so happy to see my favorite face in town again!!’  _ Never just ‘ _ oh.’!” _

Being slipped into a booth opposite his captor, he leaned into the soft cushion as his body ached from walking. “You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say, ‘Oh, you’re looking great, Suga!’” 

Picking up a chip from the complimentary salsa bowl, he pointed it at the other, glare still passionate as last time they spoke. “I call bullshit.” He then took a scoop and began to talk before his eyes turned fearful. “But it’s good to see you-  _ HolyShitIThinkDaichiGaveUsTheExtraSpicySalsa..” _

As Suga was trying to falter his coughs with little success, his fiancee walked over at the right time with a tall glass of water, teasing him for a minute before handing it to the panicked one. “Nope! Meant to give you that one babe.” 

If both of his hands weren’t curled around the cup, Tsukishima would have sworn one specific finger would be held in the air. Daichi leaned over the end of the booth, almost chucking onto Suga’s hair. It was like they were in their own little universe and Kei was just a passing comet. He was getting used to not being seen or heard by this point in life, so after the two had calmed did they finally take account their onlooker.

“Oh sorry, Tsukishima!” He scratched the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed. “You should have texted that you were coming.” 

_ Why? So you could prepare to exclude instead of feeling force to include the third wheel?  _ “I was in the area, so I figured I’d stop in for some take out.”

  
  
Suga wacked his hand, ever the one for overdramatics. “What?! No way you’re taking home some food in a cardboard box. In fact, since you’re practically family, it’s on us tonight. Whatever you want.” His heartfelt smile very much contrasted with the other, more confused businessman’s one.

“Says who?!” 

“Says  _ me _ , your soon-to-be husband.” He took the last gulp of his glass, before pounding it on the table. He turned to his husband and lightly grabbed at his dark shirt. “Hon, could you get me a lemonade and Tsukishima a….?” 

Realizing his cue, he spoke out the first thing that came to mind. “Coke, please.” 

Daichi looked at his partner in a way the indicated to everyone that they’d be talking later. And Suga just smiled back, patting for him to leave them be. 

As soon as he shuffled away, did Suga turn back and apologize. “Sorry about him. The restaurant hasn’t been as … lively as it once was. So, he wants anything to bring in money, you included.” He looked down and tapped his fingers on the stained wood top. “My job only brings in so much money… might need to push the wedding back.”

Almost as if he was slapped in the face, his demeanor changed as he placed his elbows on the table, chin in hands, and eyebrows down. “But enough about  _ my  _ relationship. How are you and Isogai doing?” 

Ah, that’s what having a travel-heavy job does to you. Keeps you out of the loop. 

Now it was Tsukishima’s turn to look away, this time him looking at all the empty chairs, especially alarming considering it was a Friday night. “It’s over.” 

He heard Suga slouch against the seat, hands splatting on top of the table. “Wow, really? I thought you two were sorta made for each other…” 

Tsukishima was tempted to squash his last romantic heartstrings by telling him they only lasted two weeks after he left for his trip, but he withheld that. Considering Suga had set them up a week prior, it would feel wrong to dwindle his matchmaker spirit. But flipside, Tsukishima didn’t want to be someone’s romantic pawn piece, being played at random to collide with other props on the board. They never lasted for a variety of reasons, some dumb while some more reasonable. All he wanted was what he couldn’t have. All he wanted for Christmas and his life was for-

Daichi came back and slide them both their drinks and two menus before making another exit towards the kitchen door a few steps away from Suga’s seat. They both opened the menus for formalities sake as well as something to do to combat the tension. But, Suga, never one to beat around the bush, peaked above his card and towards the other. “Not to bring it up, but I wanna get it out of the way… how are you... doing?”    
  
“Fine,” he said, fake scanning the burger section on the menu, knowing he was already getting the alfredo pasta from the start. He could have used other meaningless words like ‘Good’, ‘Content’, ‘Well, and yourself?’, ‘Alright’, list going on. 

“N-No, I didn’t know if you knew apparently Ya-”

He slapped the booklet shut, making Suga blink in a daze. “I’m all set to order, are you?” He gave his best pretend smile, though the auburn lighting probably made him look as wicked as he was feeling inside. Tsukishima didn’t want to talk about the present, past, or future  _ him _ with Sugawara, let alone think about it during this specific time period. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m all good.” He was obviously hurt, taking it more personal than intended.  _ At least it got the point across.  _

Tsukishima brought it back to stereotypical table talk, asking about how his job was, gift ideas, current events, and more until their food came. Then he made the trek back home with his bike for support as the wind continued onward.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

  
  


Thankfully for the both of them, Akiteru was not awake, Kei not wanting to confront his brother with another argument or disagreement. He was about to go up the stairs before he saw the pale blue light and faint sound coming from the living room. Taking a left, he then saw his now asleep older brother with his work shoes still on and dinner on the coffee table. 

He probably wanted to stay up and make sure he came home safe or wanted to talk, or both. However, the latter wouldn’t be happening at the moment, so he carefully leaned over the couch and turned off the television before heading to his room. 

Not even bothering to turn on the lights, he ripped off his jacket and other winter wear in favor of changing into his nighttime attire. His blinds were only open enough to make the room illuminate with a mix of blues and white, showing that his room floor was crying out for a much needed organization. Flopping on the bed, he barely had enough energy to plug his phone into the charger. But he did and placed it down next to the small box on his nightstand. He began to stare at the gift like he did most nights.

It had stayed there for years and Tsukishima had no desire to move it anytime soon, serving as a reminder. A reminder of what exactly changed from day to hour to minute to second, but it encompassed so much into a small package that it was effective nonetheless. Sometimes it was happy retellings and most a cautionary tale to never get as attached to anyone again. With that in mind, his brain was becoming too much, and then all in one moment, nothing. Just drifting into sleep once again. 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

_ They’re sitting on the edge of the theatre stage, kicking at each other’s feet and mumbling words that Kei can’t really register. He knows they’re all good since he’s smiling so much his face hurts and Tadashi pushes his head so far back that it almost hits the scruffed wood. _

_ Then, one word becomes more and more clear and distinct, until it’s the only word he can hear. “Time.” Over and over again until the word becomes like a weapon, picking him apart and rebuilding him into something weaker, to only tear him down again and repeat the loop.  _

_ Then he’s in the front row, the only one in the audience. But he’s still on stage too, this time dressed in the same clothes as five years ago, and now so is Yamaguchi. This is where Tsukishima usually realizes it’s a dream and now all he has to do is endure it. He tried in the past to run onto the stage and stop it, later to then get restrained the next time this dream happened in the never-ending rotation. So, now he learned best to either sit tight and enjoy or close his eyes until it was over. _

_ The props were made of cardboard, not even colored fully or in the lines, like a four year old was in charge of the production. Which would make sense considering how childish the whole thing was, neither of them had their lines memorized, both stuttering and improvising the scene that always ended the same way. Sometimes it was fun to see which way the conversation drifted, but even cognitive him wasn’t in the mood, so he closed his eyes and waited for the climax. _

_ Then it ended the way it always did.  _

_ Kei finally acting, Tadashi reacting, and the curtains drawing shut. The final scene and simultaneously, the end of them.  _

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

  
  


For some reason, Tsukishima’s alarm never went off. Meaning he was scrimmaging to work in the morning to get to his shift in time. He didn’t even have a minute to fake ride his bike, instead calling a paid ride to get to work, shifting into the backseat out of breath. 

He was still fumbling with his attire when he exited the car door, stumbling into work, one hand adjusting the mandatory and immature hat and the other making sure that his keys were in his pocket for closing later on. Once both were secure did he actually enter the door and grab his last essential attire piece from behind the counter.

Tying the upsettingly green smock around him did he hear the familiar bells ring, signaling that someone was at the door. Probably another wife looking for a cute toy or order a cake for the holiday season. Without looking, he greeted while marching towards the backroom to grab a shipment of plush bears and another box of fairy tale collection books that needed to be shelved on display. “Welcome to Tsukishima’s Toys and Treats! Let me know if you need anything!” 

Hopefully, they didn’t need anything, since Tsukishima was still cranky from waking up late and the store was designed for ease and customer efficiency. Only when he had both boxes in hand and leaving the back did he stop in his tracks.    
  
Everything stopped. Time, train of thought, body, everything else for Tsukishima because this must have been an extension of last night’s dream sequence. There was no way this was happening in present day. There was no way that the person at the door looked the same and also completely morphed and changed from the boy five years ago. Tsukishima tethered between going back to high school and standing his ground as an almost graduated college student. 

He was searching for words but all he could do was open his mouth in awe. When he did finally have something to say, no matter how dumb it was going to sound, he was beaten to it as the real-life ghost spoke. 

“Long time no see, aye?”

  
  



	2. so i proceed to go, keep on leaving my trace on the melting snow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“...You want me to tell him you got the worst cold twelve or so hours after being fine at work.”_
> 
> _There was a silence that filled the space. If this were an old fashioned wired line, he’d figure that he'd be twirling it in anticipation of what's to come. He bit the bullet and responded with a quiet “yes.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh ty for over 60 hits on the initial chapter :)) 
> 
> sorry this is a little later than anticipated but Things happen and i feel really good now so . theres that lol
> 
> hopefully next update comes a little faster (shooting for wednesday but lets see what happens) 
> 
> title from seventeen's s.coups & vernon with the mixtape/song 'winter mountain'

Before he had the chance to properly respond, he swore as he didn’t comprehend how freezing in place would make him drop the cardboard box. “ _Shit!_ ” He partially collapsed, mimicking the motion of rubbing the roof of his shoe for comfort, only to find that the beige boots he had on were so thick it was futile. 

Yamaguchi ( _was it really him?_ ) rushed over and fell onto the ground as well, apparent concern and worry taking over the suave entrance. He was rubbing circles on the top of his back, like they used to do whenever the other was in pain, the feeling at this moment was surreal.

Tears started to push forward for the worker, mainly due to the sheer pain he was in, but a part wondered if they had been locked away and kept for storage, thinking it was now the appropriate time for use.

Yamaguchi looked… wow. Again, he looked like a cardboard cutout of the photograph still hung up on his wall from sophomore year, just instead some details were more refined. Especially close up. His freckles were more faded than before, but this was most likely due to the temperature of the winter months. Jaw and body more refined and bulkier than before, but there were two things that Tsukishima never imagined he would see. 

The first was the way he carried himself now, even in the span of the short few minutes they’d become connected again, Tsukishima could tell he wasn’t the same as before. His eyes didn’t look so afraid and the idea of public attention not such a hindrance. Which was fantastic considering his second point, that being his hair. 

On separate nights they had both talked about things they wanted to do in the future. Many different topics came up but the one Yamaguchi had mentioned the most was chopping all his locks off, wanting a change and restart. Well, he did get a restart, but in the complete opposite way, since his hair was now half up in a ponytail and the makings of a mullet remaining just around his neck. It wasn’t much, just a few wisps of hair around the sides of his neck, but just enough that Tsukishima was impressed by.

So impressed that he forgot the pain and out of habit went to play with it in between his fingers as they’d done before. However, mid-arm stretch he realized what he was doing and instead opted with placing his hand on the other shoulder, hoping it would come off as needing physical support. The two locked looks and talked with blinks and breaths for a few moments.

“You, uh, you okay?” He tried to give an endearing smile, and it was considering it was coming from Yamaguchi’s lips.

He nodded, before clearing his throat and looking down at the box with content spilled across the floor. “H-Um, How have you… been?”

“Good… good.” There was a slight pause as Yamaguchi shifted a tad. “You?”

“Yeah, good, same.” 

“That’s good.”

“Yep.”

_Someone please kill me now this is so awkward._

Thankfully, someone did come and compress the tension for a moment, though how successful it would be in the long run would be up to speculation. 

“... No _way!!”_ A familiar voice said from the upstairs door, to then bang on every step until they scooped the visitor into their arms, twirling as if they were one of the ballerinas at the local theatre’s Nutcracker. 

And there Tadashi was in Akiteru’s arms, without a care, whereas Kei was still left with overwhelming concern. Maybe the box had somehow fallen onto his head and now he was having a strange coma-concussion, because if not then…

Yamaguchi was swiftly put down as he was picked up, still pushing out the remaining laughter and eyes shut from pure joy. Kei’s heart was doing backflips trying to adjust to the circumstance.

The older brother brought him into a typical hug and scruffed up his hair partially while in his arms. “I missed you.” His tone was somber, almost as if he was speaking to a spirit, which he was in a way.

“I-I missed you too.” He tightened the hold, burying his head partially into Akiteru’s torso. 

It was a weird experience being the old number Tsukishima when it came to Tadashi now. He cleared his feet and pushed himself off the cold ground, pushing off any dirt from his hands onto his smock.

“How have you been, bud?” He yanked him gently away from his embrace, wanting to see the present him instead of reminiscing on the past iteration. 

“Great! What about you?” He seemed less awkward about greetings with the other, it made the younger Tsukishima want to throw up.

“Definitely better now that my favorite honorary little brother’s back in town!” He ruffled his hair again, then realizing how much the style and length had changed, he whistled softly. “Wow, you’ve really grown up, huh.” It wasn’t a question and more just a state of fact.

He looked a little uncomfortable at that moment, wanting to move past just him, but Akiteru pushed on. “You should have called up and told us you were coming back! I would have prepared a tea or something.” He smiled, pretending as if he didn’t know why Yamaguchi hadn't called up. 

And he didn’t know, but Kei was wrapped in a lie and was being pulled in any way the web’s strings pulled him. Akiteru was just collateral unintentional damage along the way.

“Y-yeah, well we-“ _We?_ “were planning to go see my Mom and Dad first, but I couldn’t just pass by, you know?” He seemed to tense for a moment, looking over at Kei before back at Akiteru.

_The hell is going on_ \- He began to think before the wind from outside made his thoughts freeze up.

She had fluffy pompom earmuffs on top of her blonde hair, pale cheeks warm and rosy. She was rubbing his mittens by the doorway’s steps and blowing out as if she was trying to whistle. “‘Dashi, can we leave soon?” Her voice was soft, delicate as her stare. Tsukishima looked down at the ground yet again.

Tadashi turned around so fast that his damp shoes squeaked as he spun around. “Coming Yachi!” And then the cold atmosphere was gone again, but Kei knew it would be back momentarily. That’s usually how the cold feelings go.

“I’m gonna head out but I’ll see you both around?” His ending sounded questionable, maybe thinking there was a chance they wouldn’t speak to him. As if Kei would never have jumped at the opportunity to just answer his phone calls if they had ever happened. 

“Yeah! We’ll see you around!” He brought him into another hug as Kei continued to admire the floor’s distorted reflections of them all.

“In that case, bye Akiteru! Tsukki-uh, Tsukishima!” Then he burst out the door and the fever dream was over, leaving both brothers in a slight daze for a moment.

There were a few things that became apparent to him, one revelation trailing the other but untimely reaching a final conclusion.

Yamaguchi was back, his ‘Tsukki’ was gone and what remained was something else, plus the addition of a girl there. And the two were now strangers holding each other’s secrets.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

  
  


Tsukishima didn’t realize until his lunch break walk that the muted group chat was texting an absurd amount, even for them. Looking through, they were trying to schedule plans for later that evening and when it could occur. By the end, there was a plan in action and Kei texted his reply before shoving his device back in his coat.

He just needed another minute alone, one to think about what had happened before the shop had become a hotspot and every parent in a five-foot radius barged through the door. Because of that, the realization that his ex-best friend was now in town went on the back burner. 

Now it was at the forefront as he took a walk around the local pond in town, the ends frozen solid and growing to consume the rest of the water. Traveling off the sidewalk, he made his way to the outskirts and sat down, head on one of his knees.

It was cold but he didn’t seem to notice or care at the time. Out of habit, another memory came about from sitting at such a place.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

_The extrovert somehow managed to convince everyone a ice skating day at the freshly frozen lake was a great idea. It was both fun and terrifying._

_Tsukishima had taken a single step on with one skate and immediately retracted, falling down. The other pair from their double date was doing fantastic, both of them sharing laughs and improv kisses from the ice._

_“You gonna come and try before it gets dark out, Tsukki?” He heard from behind, head tilting back to reveal a smirking Tadashi._

_“I find it comical that you are pushing_ me _onto the ice, considering you’re the one so worried about falling through it.”_

_Outstretching a hand, he lifted the other up and retorted. “True, but that was before I remembered you’d never let me slip through the cracks.”_

_Even though Tsukishima had his winter hat’s flaps covering a significant amount of his cheeks, the redness was surely seeking through. He leaned forward and kissed him delicately on the forehead, before rearranging the tufts of hair peeking through Tadashi’s head. “You have a good point there.”_

_Then his boyfriend grabbed his head and stared into his eyes and accidentally his heart, seeing how much he cared and wanted to make sure Yamaguchi felt safe in his presence and relationship. He pushed his head and gave him a light and long proper kiss before breaking and reaching for their hand. “Now c’mon! I wanna make this double date go swimmingly.” He paused on the ice, then looked back. “Not that time of swimming though.”_

_Tsukishima let a real laugh slip through the cracks. He loved this. That being anything having to do with the other, either a high maintenance date or spontaneous sleepover at one’s house, he didn’t care. As long as they were together, everything just felt_ right. _And today, they came from a frozen pond as the sunset with Tadashi, Tanaka, and-_

His sleeve was being pulled so harshly that he fell back, almost bouncing from the force. From where he was lying, he had a clear shot of the person’s face, ends wrapped in a baby blue scarf and dark eyes locking him in place. 

“ _The hell are you doing?!_ ” He whisper-screamed, not trying to draw too much attention.

“Thinking?” He didn’t really want to go into it with him or anyone at the moment, finding his spikes in trips down memories to become an increasing issue.

“You almost walked in four degree water!” He actually yelled, pointing to the pond, now showing step marks going towards it.

Looking down at his lower half, his boots were soaked and just the tips of his paints, making it look like an intentional design. “Oh” was all he could say, now confirming that his day thoughts were doing more bad than good.

“You need help up?” 

“No, I’ve got it.”

“You, uh, need me to get you a change of clothes?” He had both his hands in his pocket after yelling and now calming down, that being the telltale sign of such.

“No, I have a spare at work.” He yanked out his phone, seeing that if he didn’t start marching back now that he’d definitely be late. “Which I should be getting back to, actually.”

“I’ll let you go, but you alright now though?” His face was full of concern, as it usually was, but all of it was solely caused by Kei. 

“Ennoshita, I’m fine. Really.” He then took the walk back around as the other yelled something behind.

“You better stop by my shop soon, Tsukishima!” And as a response he kept walking as he held a thumbs-up in the air, wanting to forget the pond past and present for a little bit.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

“You guys realize how stupid it is to call it the ‘Brochives’ right?” Kei said as he came down the steps, everyone else waiting for him. He sits next to Akaashi, who is still adorably trying to read on the couch. He should know that as soon as his husband comes back from upstairs the two mascots of the group will be unstoppable noise. ”You enable this stupid name.”

Flipping a page, Akaashi tried to pay him little attention and mind. “We both live here, so we compromised. He wanted a ‘brocave’ for fun and I needed an archive for work, hence ‘brochives.’” 

He sunk down into his friend’s couch cushions and looked at the grump at the opposite side and lightly kicked him. “Hey.”

“Stop kicking me,” Kageyama said, arguably more upset than usual. Tsukishima liked to argue, so he pushed forward.

“Mad that you have to cover for my shift soon?” That would get the ball rolling, and also Kageyama’s eyes.

Tipping his head, he had one arm on the couch’s backrest and the other on his stomach. “ _Yes_ , but also my sister’s being an ass.”

Suga chirped from the other side of the room, tapping every book on the surrounding shelves that touched the ceiling. “I don’t think it's scientifically possible for your sister to be an ass.”

“Where’s your Bachelor of Science degree, Mr. Photographer?” After he gave Kageyama a dirty glare, he moved his gaze somewhere else. “Anyways, she’s talking so much about her girlfriend and rubbing in the fact I’m still single.”

Kenma, who was lying on his boyfriend’s stomach and playing with his sweatshirt’s string, chirped in. “22 years strong.”

“Shut up, both of you.” He told the two of them, as Kenma said it and Kuroo couldn’t stop laughing, making Kenma look like he was on a massage chair.

Daichi dragged himself from the chair he was sitting on to give a light wack onto Kuroo’s head before walking to Kageyama and patting him on his shoulder. “Don’t worry Kageyama, someone will come along someday.”

“Thanks, Daichi.” And the smile gently went off as soon as it came on since Bokuto came down the stairs with pizza, some drinks, popcorn, and magically three DVDs.

As Bokuto began talking, his partner shut his book closed. “So! We have more food upstairs that you can grab at any time and I brought three different mov- Tsukishima’s here?” 

The blond felt very odd at the spotlight being shined on him, all the eyes fixated on him. “Uh… yeah. I texted I was coming?”

“I know, but Suga told me that this guy named-“ His mouth was soon covered and words mumbled as Sugawara bolted over to place his palm on the other. 

“This, uh, guy named Koushi Sugawara was _so_ excited to see you again!” He clearly was hiding something that he did, but Tsuksihima couldn’t dwell on it too much as his coat pocket sang against him.

Looking at glass’ text and picture, he internally groaned. “I need to take this. You guys can choose and start the movie without me.” Then he climbed the steps and arrived at the kitchen. 

Pressing the green circle, he waited for him to speak first. 

“You there?”

“Yep… So, what’s going on?”

“Are you coming home soon?” Maybe it was the connection, but his voice seemed quieter and more contained than usual. 

Leaning on the counter, he played with the snowman themed napkins. “I’m at Akaashi’s place. Why?”

“Um. Yamaguchi’s outside? Well, now he’s inside at our dinner table because it’s _wicked_ cold outside and I felt bad leaving him on the steps because-“

“Can you slow down please?”

“Oh, right. Yeah.” There was a pause and both took a deep breath. “He wanted to see if you wanted to take a walk or do anything, but you obviously aren’t here, since I’m in your room alone. So I called you and … what do you want me to say?”

That was a great question. He felt a sinking in his stomach and heart as his mind swirled with what to say. After the encounter with Ennoshita, he was successful in making his thoughts of the other drift away. Until now, where he was now consumed by everything that happened and could possibly occur. 

“Kei?” 

Oh shit, he needs an answer soon. “Tell him I caught a bad flu and can’t get out of bed.”

“...You want me to tell him you got the worst cold twelve or so hours after being fine at work.”

There was a silence that filled the space. If this were an old fashioned wired line, he’d figure that he'd be twirling it in anticipation of what's to come. He bit the bullet and responded with a quiet “ _yes.”_

“I….” he exiled in surrender, finally speaking again. “I’ll make up something but you need to get _this_ sorted out. I don’t want to be playing telephone with you both.”

And as a way to end this current game of telephone, he ended the connection and went back to the doorway that led to his friends.

He stopped after only taking a step, hearing them whisper to one another.

“ _So just … don’t mention it, alright? This night is to make him feel better, not worse.”_

_“I wanna ask him about it though!”_ Kuroo said, ever the one to be nosy.

“ _Then you can ask some_ other _time. Not now.”_

Stomping down the steps, the talking ceased and the music taking over the dark room. Tsukishima calmly groaned at the choice in film. “Grease 2?”

Bokuto went on the defensive, face being more animated than the scene on the screen. “Yeah! It’s a good sequel. _You_ just don’t have taste.”

“I just hate sequels to things that don’t need them. Grease included.” He said back down between Akaashi and Kageyama, both semi-disinterested to different degrees.

The scene where the main cast performed for an audience at a school’s stage was playing at full and both Bokuto and Kuroo were singing along.

_'If you fall in the fall, you'll see, September can be heavenly._

_If you fall, say you'll fall for me, When autumn leaves are fallin' from the trees.'_

The thought from earlier came back, where they were all talking about him as he wasn’t in the room. What exactly were they saying? Everyone except Bokuto and Akaashi, and partially Kuroo didn’t know the story about Yamaguchi. Did they now know? 

And they wanted to have this night because of him and the appearance of his long lost friend and ex. In theory, it was a nice idea, but in practice it made him feel uneasy. Feeling like a pity party of sorts.

_'_ ' _I'll_ _be yours in winter, when the snow is on the ground.'_

And he was actually back, Tadashi. And for what? It had been five years of nothing and then suddenly he was too much. Overwhelming too much. 

_'I'll warm you through December, and I'll always be around.'_

And who was the girl with him? What was their relationship? He tried to push her out of the equation, the remaining information already forming a pain in his head and that blonde would tip him right over the edge.

His mother used to tell him that everything happened for a reason, but Kei had his doubts. He closed his eyes and let the rest of the musical number make its way into his ears before his headache knocked him out.

_'I'll be your girl for all seasons, all the year through._

_Your girl for all seasons, 'Cause I love, yes I love to be everything to you.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments appreciated <3 
> 
> @akutagi on twt for updates


	3. the road not taken looks real good now, and it always leads to you and my hometown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Look, we can go out tomorrow it’s just…” He let the silence finish the sentence as if it clarified his justifications._
> 
> _“You should talk to him in person.”_
> 
> _“What?” He wasn’t expecting her to be so blunt, and neither was she, yet Yachi didn’t slow down._
> 
> _“Instead of waiting for a response and wasting time, make it happen now and cut open the cocoon he’s caught in. What’s the worst that could happen?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI SORRY THIS IS LATE AHHHH
> 
> you can thank the foot of snow that finally got me a day off work since that gave me some time to write . 
> 
> n e ways i hope you all like this chapter and some yamaguchi pov ! i just finished this chapter and immediately wanted to post it so sorry if its not as refined but i plan on coming back tm and maybe refining some chapters
> 
> also ty for over 100 hits ahhh it means so much to me :'(
> 
> chapter title from taylor swift's 'tis the damn season
> 
> without further ado enjoy chapter three !!

_ Akiteru was on the school committee during his middle school run and wanting to follow in his brother’s ever-growing shadow, Kei joined his own school once he got the chance. _

_ During one meeting they all had to propose one idea that would ‘bring the community together’ in some way. They all had a week to conquer up prompts. Tsukishima worked up the pitch four minutes before his turn. And somehow, this was the one that worked. _

_ After he had heard the news, he immediately made the hike towards his favorite person’s locker, oblivious of his presence getting closer. Covering his eyes with both hands, he couldn’t help but smile while his best friend giggled underneath him. _

_ “Guess who.” _

_ “Is it… the guy from that one Disney cartoon?” He couldn’t see his face, but Kei was sure he was grinning far too large, knowing how it would affect him. _

_ “Stop saying I look like Chicken Little! He’s dumb and he’s a coward.” He took a moment to breathe and came back down. “If you actually guess right this time I’ll give you a gift.” _

_ “Ooooo” was all the filled the air before the overwhelming amount of students from first lunch came barreling down the halls, making it harder to understand the more refine and whispered words. “Is it… the world’s best best friend ever in history?” _

_ For a slim second, Tsukishima’s stomach felt funny being given that title, but he tried to pay it any more mind while he spun Tadashi around. Now facing him and eyes uncovered, both his lips and look were smiling. _

_ “So was I right?”  _

_ “Partial credit, I guess.” He lightly hit him with his elbow on Yamaguchi’s arm. “I was gonna give you the gift regardless.”  _

_ Shoving him in a playful manner, Kei was sure it was to tease and also get to his locker better. “Asshole.” _

_ “So does that mean you don’t want to hear it?” _

_ Grabbing his last textbook of the day, he stopped and peered over his shoulder. “Oh, no. I still wanna hear this ‘amazing’ idea.” _

_ Waiting for Yamaguchi to grab his lunch box and finally able to move, the two walked toward the middle school’s main hallway door before pausing. His friend’s stare was equally excited and overstimulated. “...Tsukki?” _

_ “Remember when you said Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas here?” Yamaguchi hesitated before nodding. “Well, that shouldn’t be a problem since  _ I…”  _ he started, before pointing to himself. “Got the big checkmark for the tree lighting this Decem-“ _

_ The lunchbox banged into his lower back as Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around him. Tsukishima was still taller, but his friend was going through a spurt and just able to place his chin on Kei’s shoulder, probably on his toes. _

_ Whispering, Tsukishima got a quick shiver from the soft breath against his skin. “You’re the greatest. You know that?” _

_ He certainly  _ felt _ like he was. The same odd feeling came back from his friend’s kind words, making him wonder if he was getting another winter flu. He awkwardly patted his back, tapping with strange time intervals until Tadashi got the memo. _

_ “Oh! Sorry, I forgot. We need to get to lunch. Kageyama’s probably pissed that we left him alone.”  _

_ Tsukishima walked faster, not on purpose, but because his steps were much more spaced apart. “He always watches those dumb parkour videos, he won’t even notice.” _

_ With his free hand, he grabbed Tsukishima’s before dragging them towards the cafeteria. Still looking back, he grabbed Kei’s full attention with his bubbling smile and sadly fading freckles. “More time for just the two of us then, right?” _

_ His words were stuck and so were his feet for a moment, both being yanked out. “Y-Yeah.” _

_ Why was he suddenly getting his tongue and words all tangled, heart feeling as if it were to burst at any moment? He was sure his hand was beginning to become slippery in Yamaguchi’s grasps. The close contact was never a bother but… for some reason, he wanted to be both closer and farther from the boy.  _

_ Was this… no it couldn’t be. Tsukishima couldn’t… no, he had crushes on girls before, so this couldn’t be this.  _

_ Were those crushes? Because what he was feeling now was electrifying, coursing through his body and making every feeling before more intense. This was how all best friends felt.  _

_ Right? _

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

  
  
  


“I really need to change my ringtone” was the first thing to come out of his freshly woken up mind. He’d slept fairly well, or at least didn’t feel as tired as he usually did. Progress needs to be praised, no matter how small the milestone. 

Shifting over, he saw how two of his blankets were now scattered on the floor, meaning he must have had yet another nightmare. Though strangely, he didn’t feel any fear or dread as he turned off his alarm and checked his phone.

He always woke up earlier than need be, since his mind needed some time to get awake compared to his physical state. Scrolling mindlessly, nothing of notice or importance popped out to him.

Some texts here, mobile game notifications there, voicemail from Yamaguchi threw in-

His posture changed, rising into a sitting position, trying to pick apart the bar on his screen. It had come from the night, or early morning, depending on how you perceived 1 AM. Tsukishima had been extremely tired from both the hangout and encounter before that, so he’d fallen asleep with ease.

_ What was he doing up so late?  _ He asked himself, only to follow up with,  _ And why would he want to talk to me than of all times? _

Hesitantly, he got out of bed, leaving the open phone on his bed. He could think and worry while he got into his outfit ready for the day ahead. After a few minutes, he got himself collected and grabbed the phone, breathing and pressing play.

He sounded quiet, but then Tsukishima realized it was probably a missed call caused by a pocket slipup. He was about to delete the voicemail before he heard a hesitant shutter and first audible words. 

“ _ Tsukishima? It’s me, Yamaguchi….but you probably knew that. That’s why you aren’t picking up.” _

Kei was responding with an explanation as to why before remembering this was a recording and that he wouldn’t hear no matter how much he wanted him to.

“ _ Anyways, I’m not sure why I’m calling? Maybe as an apology for surprising you at work? Because I miss talking to you? Both?”  _ There was a shift in fabric, making him realize that Tadashi was most likely cuddled in bed while this was happening. “ _ Regardless, I hope we see each other soon. Also, told my Mom that you were coming down with something and I’m gonna deliver some soup later on! Rest well and lov-long time no see!” _

The line cuts dead and so does Tsukishima’s breathing. He flops onto the bed’s pillow and presses his face inside before yelling so intensely he feels as if the ground will shake from the force.

_ He misses me? And talking in general?  _

He had second thoughts about how much he truly meant the words over the phone since the name ‘Tsukki’ was still banned from his ex’s vocabulary and also he changed the word ‘love’ in the last sentence.

_ Wait, was he actually going to say he loves me? _

He screams heavy into his pillow, not really caring if Akiteru could hear him through the plush cotton.

  
  


＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

  
  


Surprisingly, Tsukishima doesn’t develop a case of hypothermia while walking to the store. He walks in and is shivering as the warm heated air wraps around him and embraces his whole self. 

On the mat inside, he stomps on his boots and hopes to get all the wet sludged-ice off. After he goes up and down the small aisles, not really with a destination in mind, besides seeing the owner.

Somehow he made it over to the children’s bookshelf and peers around, shifting and retracting books until he settled on one familiar cover. He wasn’t sure why it was still in production, seeing as how many children now didn’t care for it, but he still had a place for it in his nostalgic stored mind.

“You gonna eye-purchase every book in the store?”

He sighs with the book in hand, bringing it to the front counter where Ennoshita sits and watches his every mannerism. 

While scanning he asks, “Not to be a gatekeeper, but aren’t you a little too old for  _ The Giving Tree _ ?”

Shifting a tad, he replies while grabbing his credit card. “What’s so wrong with liking a throwback?”

“When the throwback is about giving yourself to someone with little return back.” He doesn’t once peer up while talking. Bagging the book, he then stares at him with eyes both soft and cruel. “I know that if you’re here then you have nothing better to do. And lucky for you, neither do I.”

He motions for the back, entryway covered with a plum dyed drape, that Ennoshita pulls back and gestures to enter. Tsukishima feels like he’s entering a circus tent, anticipating entertainment and a steep entrance fee.

They had a deal: buy something from their respective stores and have a guaranteed talk and oasis from the outside chaos for a while. Or as long as their break’s duration made it.

Back in Ennoshita’s, there was a very used and sunken couch, once pure white now tinged off-creme from use. On the other side were a water bubbler and tuber ware of sugar cookies. They tried to spruce it up with decorations, but half of them were tacky and the others falling down. Tsukishima was going to buy him a new lamp and plug heater to make it feel nicer, if only for his own sake down the line.

Taking their designated seats on the couch, Ennoshita handed over his bagged book before exchanging pleasantries. “So how have you been since trying to swim in a frozen lake?”

“It’s not like I was  _ purposely-“ _ He groaned as he laughed next to him, slightly shaking the couch underneath.

“Just kidding.” He cleared the last chuckle from his throat before twirling his foot around, face sinking just a little. “Be honest, hold are you holding up?”

_ Fine. Spectacular. Never better.  _ “Managing.”

“All I’m asking for.” He stood up and went for the mini-fridge, not having to ask what Tsukishima wanted. Throwing an ice tea backward, he caught it and brought one knee to lean onto. “You finally figure out what you’re gonna get Tanaka?”

A mumbled “ _ noooo”  _ escaped him as he cuddled a throw pillow. “But seriously, I’m fresh out of ideas. He keeps saying that he wants to be  _ surprised  _ and  _ wowed _ .”

He pondered, trying to handle the delivery in a delicate way. “He’ll love anything you get him, regardless of how ‘ _ big’ _ it is. It’s the fact that you thought of him that matters in the end.” 

He didn’t realize that he was thinking too intently until a slight shove from his friend’s hand collided with his shoulder. “What’s with that face?”

It was a dumb idea. He should even say it, knowing that it would be stomped the moment it left his mouth. “Have you visited Kiyoko lately?” 

Ennoshita leaned more into the couch cushions. With confusion pulling his expression downward, he hesitated. “No… should I have?”

“It’s just… if you  _ are  _ looking for something that’s both unexpected and amazing, then it might be a good idea to reach out to her is all.”

They both stared at one another, one more lost and the other wanting to see the sparkles finally ignite. It took a few more blinks and breaths, but finally, Ennoshita got the message.

Bouncing off and onto his feet, he raced over to the front where the better reception was. Tsukishima stayed put and pulled out his phone, contemplating the message from earlier. He still hadn’t called or texted, unsure as to what he would even say to him. 

_ Should I ask Ennoshita?  _ That was why he was here in the first place, to ask for someone else’s advice, yet now he didn’t want to quench his excitement over a perfect gift in the making. Before he could even type a word, Ennoshita opened the curtain with a refreshed face, then pulled Kei up into a tight hug.    
  
“I’m sorry when I told you last year that you stink at gift ideas.” He paused and caught his breath, then confirmed what Tsukishima suspected. “Kiyoko just found a dog up for adoption at the shelter that apparently fits all the criteria.” 

“Well, that’s awesome.” He meant it sincerely, but at this point, he wanted to get off the topics of gifts and just take a walk with his thoughts and dilemmas. 

Creating distance between them, he tilted his head and stared at the rim of Tsukishima’s glasses. “But what did you want to ask me about? You never just drop by without a problem or five.” He chuckled in good spirits, yet his eyes were flooded with worry as the blond failed to return it. 

“Nothing. Can’t I just see you when I feel like it?”    
  
Now his shoulders sagged, posture, and speech disjointed. “No, wait. C’mon, you know what I meant. I just- hold on, where are you going?!” 

He pushed past the other with their bag in hand and through the fabric, not looking forward to the drop in temperature as soon as they exited the door. 

“Going somewhere else, obviously. Don’t trouble yourself with concern over me.” He didn’t turn back, not sure and not really wanting to know what expression Ennoshita had now unveiled. 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊   
  
  


He didn’t notice her coming from behind since he was still transfixed on refreshing the messaging app every four seconds. Yamaguchi jittered once Yachi spoke with her chin on top of his messed hair. “Still waiting for a response?”

She could feel him tense underneath her, and if Yachi could see his face, she deduced it would also appear stressed. “ _ No,  _ that would be childish. I’m just bored. Yeah, that’s it.” 

“In that case…” The blonde stepped back and tugged Yamaguchi off the countertop he was leaning onto, dragging him over to the door. “You could show me around some more? Your house is lovely, but I bet the decorated town looks pretty neat too.” 

“Yachi.” It had been like this for a while. 35 hours, if she was counting, but she wasn’t. No, all Yachi was doing was sitting in the living room with the charcoal-colored walls and plenty of Christmas themed decorations placed all over them. If she was spending the holidays here, she at least wanted to get the full experience and not just one roomful. 

“‘Dashi.” She leaned against the main entrance’s wall, arms crossed.    
  
“Look, we can go out tomorrow it’s just…” He let the silence finish the sentence as if it clarified his justifications. 

“You should talk to him in person.”

“What?” He wasn’t expecting her to be so blunt, and neither was she, yet Yachi didn’t slow down.   
  
“Instead of waiting for a response and wasting time, make it happen _now_ and cut open the cocoon he’s caught in. What’s the worst that could happen?”

_ Oh if you only knew.  _ Even though they had been at each other’s sides for a few years now, Tadashi was never open or straightforward about why he never wanted to come home during college breaks. Always vaguely answering questions or acting as if he never heard them, but now that they were surrounded by his past, Yachi was determined to finally grasp a least a little of what had made Yamaguchi the man she knew him as. And at the center of the confusion was one single boy who Yachi didn’t even know the full name of. 

“I-I really don’t think it’s a good idea…” No matter how he tried to be assertive, whenever Yachi had her mind made up, he had learned the hard way that there was no real changing it after a certain point. 

“Nonsense.” She pressed up against him forwards and towards the upstairs, then stopping both of them before he tripped on the bottom step. “You go and I’ll be here waiting. Unless you want me to go too?”    
  
Shaking his head more than necessary, he stuttered in speech and steps. “N-Nope! I’ll do it on my own!”    
  
“Alright, if you say so!” After a moment, she waited until he was out of view before making her way back to the living room that she had practically been hibernating in, only to make her way to a decorative table that she’d never inspective. It was odd that she never noticed it until now, but it didn’t really have any sparkly decor like the rest of the room. 

All there was were three photos that encapsulated the holiday spirit, two more generic and one that required some inspection. In the middle, back from when Yamaguchi must have been in elementary school, were two boys and a snowman in the middle. Yamaguchi was grinning so much that the gaps where his two front teeth were meant to be were visible, meaning he’d lost them at this point. The other was a tiny blond with glasses, covered in snowdust.  _ This must have been the guy from the store and message.  _

The more peculiar part was that while Yamaguchi was looking solely at the camera as well as the snowman that was taller than the both of them, the boy on the left was not. His eyes were solely on Tadashi, face also smiling because of the boy’s contagious happiness. The whole scene made Yachi feel like she was being intrusive on their moment, but also conjured the question that had been on her mind for a few hours now. 

_ What happened to you two? _

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

He successfully made it past one street before turning around and away from Tsukishima’s route to his house. Yamaguchi wanted to see him, but after the lack of responses and stiff interaction from the work visit, he was scared to make another move. He just needed to work with Kei’s way of processing and hope that sometime soon something could be arranged. In the meantime, he thought bumping into some less intimidating friends could boost his morale. 

He made his way over to the open bar, plotting himself down next to one familiar face and staring at the back of another. 

Daichi was washing a glass but had heard the stool squeak as Yamaguchi made his way around it. As he turned around, he almost dropped the delicate cup. “Hello, and what can I get for yo- _ Yamaguchi?!” _

The other who was next to him almost spit out their drink, not noticing the past face. “Holy shit, how are you?!”

“I’m great, but I’d be better if I could have a water?” He playfully asked, not wanting to bring down the uplifting tone to a somber one.

“Of course.” As he filled up the glass, Suga leaned onto the cold and worn countertop.   
  
“What have you been up to? I’ve been trying to text you as much as I could, but… you know how life is sometimes.”

He nodded, understanding how hectic things could be sometimes. If anyone would understand, it would be Yamaguchi. “Getting ready to finish up my degree, since the gap year threw off my plan. But, now I’m here for the formidable future, with a friend too.”

“Just a friend?” He slid the water to the brunette as Suga glared at him with a look that would surely end him the instant his eyes met it. 

“ _ Daichi.”  _

“What?! We were all thinking about it.” 

Yamaguchi blushed, having never talked about Yachi and not really wanting to get into their dynamic at the moment. He awkwardly laughed and avoided the topic. “But what’s been going on with you guys? Any more wedding updates?” 

They both groaned in unison which made Yamaguchi concerned, as last time he had heard, everything was going according to plan and spectacular from an outsider’s perspective. “Was that like… an excited sigh?” 

“Did it sound like one?” A rhetorical question, but followed up by a more straightforward answer from Daichi.

“Don’t worry yourself about it, Yamaguchi.” He tried to play it lighthearted, but Tadashi knew a liar when he saw one. “Anyways, I’ll be right back. Realizing I’m out of straws.”   
  
With just the two of them sitting, Suga’s knees hit Yamaguchi’s as he turned towards him. “So. You and Tsukishima.”   
  


_ Oh.  _ For some reason, he wasn’t expecting the older one to go right into the heart of the conversation, yet it was Suga that was in question. 

“What about it?”    
  
“Have you two talked since you got back?” It was beginning to feel more like an interrogation than an invitation to speak freely.

“N-Not really?” He squirmed in his seat, looking away from Suga and towards the outside door. 

“Why is that?”

“I-” 

“Are you still upset with him?” Looking back, his face was painted with sadness and pain, almost as if he were going to cry. If anyone should be the one with tears due to the situation, it should be Tadashi, not him.” 

“It’s just that-” 

“What’s going on here?” Daichi came back, straws in one hand and the other rested on his jean's side near the waist.    
  
“Nothing.”   
“I’m leaving.”

Both engaged partners stared directly at him while repeating “ _ What?”  _ at the same time. 

Getting up to leave, he thanked them for the drink before making up an excuse as to why he needed to make a quick exit. “I forgot I needed to pick something up for Yachi, so I’ll see you both later on!”

He smacked his fiancé with the plastic utensils, not hurting but definitely grabbing his attention. “What did you do?”    
  
“I was just trying to get to the bottom of those two. Is that a  _ crime?” _

  
“No, but clearly it’s making them both upset.”    
  
Swerving back to fully view Daichi, he swung his feet around underneath the bar. “I used to help them both with their high school issues, though there weren’t that many to solve back then.”   
  
“You realize they aren’t in high school anymore, right?”   
  
His retort was so quiet that Suga didn’t know if it was aimed at him or Daichi to answer, maybe even the other two in question. “Aren’t they though?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kay next chapter we find out what happened to tsukiyama in the past !! any guesses ? :O
> 
> ty for reading and cross finger next chapter can be up soon ! until next time <3


	4. our memories pile up like the snow. so many words I saved for you linger in my mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“‘Dashi, if I’m going to be staying in town with you, I’d want to know.” There was another period of silence, this one not as long. She whispered, hoping to finally understand something. “Please.”_
> 
> _“First of all, you should know that Tsukishima had nothing to do with it. It’s my fault things ended the way they did.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for all reading !! we reached a lil over 160 hits which is amazing :))
> 
> not too get all sappy but all the comments and support makes me so happy im glad that i can make a fic that so many of you enjoy <3
> 
> title from twice's best thing i ever did !
> 
> and now onto the chapter !!

Often, after a breakup or heartbreak, you hear these supposedly comforting words. 

‘ _Oh, don’t worry! There are plenty of fish in the sea!’_

And although this is true, it can still feel shallow in its effort to help console a broken person.

Tsukishima had a young obsession with dinosaurs, but also animals to an extent. In one of his books he had heard of the tale of the ‘52-Hertz Whale.’ Their frequency was at a much different level, speaking and calling in a way that often scared other sea life. Meaning, they swam alone and cried out for someone, anyone to just hear them out, if only for one ballad.

When he was more naive and young, Kei thought of himself as this whale, feeling as though no one in his small forgotten town understood him or wanted anything to do with him. That was until Yamaguchi got caught into his current, almost as if fate pushed them to one another.

And for years, they were inseparable. 

That was all until the Christmas tree lighting of their senior year. Where the whale had sung his petite heart out in hopes someone special would understand his melody. However, as expected, their voice had pushed away another, leaving them drifting alone and vulnerable for years. Just hoping for the day where someone would come again, where he wouldn’t be solo and heart finally whole once and for all.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

  
  


_It could be worse,_ Kageyama thought to himself as he continued sweeping up the dust and scrap wrapping paper from the floorboards. _I could be working at the mall._

Tobio wasn’t one for part-time work. All he wished for was a good Christmas and relaxing at the house while eating his family’s cooking. He gripped the wooden broom handle tighter, brushing more intensely. 

His sister was probably making cookies or some other dessert with her two-year-long girlfriend. It was a sugar rush in the house with both of them since Miwa and her partner were _too_ fluffy. It was sickening.

In order to calm down if even slightly, he began to hum and whistle the theme to his favorite show’s theme. Then proceeded to mumble the words without realizing he was doing so.

“ _Break me down and build me up_.”

The main star of the show sang a cover of the song, which became the theme for the brand and show that skyrocketed them into popularity. 

“ _Whatever it takes 'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins.”_

He’d had a lot of fond memories of the program, finding it both intriguing and somewhat exciting to be growing up at the same age as the lead.

“ _I do whatever it takes 'Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains._ ”

And considering he’d had bottomless downs and slight curves ups, most of those happy times were dedicated to the young parkour prodigy. The thought made Kageyama flash a smile to himself.

“ _Whatever it takes Yeah, take me to the top I'm ready for_

_Whatever it takes.”_

_“Take me to the top, I'm ready for whatever it takes._ ”

Kageyama didn’t notice how good the reverb in the studio had been in the now empty store. Maybe the hurdles of parents from earlier screaming at them about restock and overstocking and whatever else had made his ears ring.

“' _Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins, I do what it takes.”_

_“'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins, I do what it takes.”_

After the second case, he realized it was someone else singing along with him, and the culprit was clear.

He sighed and leaned on his broom slightly for support, now understanding that it wasn’t an echo in the store but instead a parrot. “Tsukishima, I’m gonna end you.”

“Well, I’m glad my name’s not Tsukishima.”

Considering that wasn’t his annoying sly voice, it must not be. Twirling around himself and the broom, his eyes couldn’t believe who _was_ at the door.

They were small and petite, yet their presence took up much of the space. He had both hands behind him, then lightly gestured to the other before bringing the limb back into hiding. “I really like your singing, if that’s okay to say?” Then he _smiled at Kageyama._

It pierced him so intensely and unexpected that his knees wanted to give. However, he persisted and stubbornly stood, not about to crumb to someone half his size.

_Thanks, your singing is leagues better._ “I-I, uhm.” _SPEAK, Tobio!_

“Are you alright?” He took a few steps closer, passing the stocked shelves and cramped display. Kageyama’s lungs felt similarly, having trouble getting in breaths.

Eventually, he was so close that Kageyama could see all the intricacies that a GoPro could never collect. They had dark eyes, but the amber highlights in them were so bright and beautiful. His hair was more bouncy than he expected to be in person, anticipating it to be more study due to hair products. Kageyama also knew he was a shorter figure, but to be _that_ small was… unexpected. Everything was at the moment.

“Hello?”

“Your SpiderManShouyou…” The words escaped before he could rope them back in, immediately feeling embarrassed and his face flaring up. 

He laughed into his sleeve, before nodding, not too phased. “I thought I might get away with staying in a smaller town, but my reputation precedes me.”

Kageyama didn’t know how to respond, so he just stared, which is probably why Hinata squirmed for a moment. 

“It’s only fair if I get your name too.” He awkwardly smiled, the atmosphere now starting to tense.

In a daze of the abnormal, he then remembered the pin on his badge, and in a cold tone responded with “Can’t you read?” before dropping the broom, hands now over his impulsive mouth.

Kageyama was about to apologize profusely before noticing that Hinata seemed to reanimate while trying to hold back a laugh, however hard it tries to slip through the crack.

“Y-you’re… funny.” Then he actually laughed, enough that his dimples shined and eyes closed. Once he was done did he continue to talk, with a smile ever-present. “I forget how blunt people can be. Most people I’m near want something in exchange for fake kindness.” He took another step forward, index finger pointing into his work uniform. “I get the feeling you’re unapologetically you.”

Neither moved, except to dance around the fact that this whole scenario was so peculiar.

“Do you know someone named Kenma? I figure since it’s a tiny town you could have passed each other or something…”

“What do you want with Kenma?” He broke the connection, instead reaching to grab the fallen broom.

“Funny _story_ , but my bus broke down and lucky I remembered that he lives close to here.” He moved to the teddy bear circle table display, walking around it. “And we wanted to see if we could collab in the past, so I figured fate maybe played a part. Yah know?”

“I don’t believe in that stuff, but sure.” He went behind the counter, grabbing the dustpan and coming back to an unamused Hinata.

“What do you _mean_ you don’t belong in fate?”

“I just don’t. What’s so hard about understanding that?” He was focusing on working for once because if he thought through who he was talking to and _how_ he was talking, his mind might have imploded.

“ _Ugh_ , c’mon! I’ve never met anyone in my life who doesn’t think it’s even a little bit true!!”

Kageyama walked past with the pile of trash on the pan. “Then prove me wrong, smartie.” He paused before he could reach the trash can, starting to process and lag behind the conversation. 

To his surprise, Hinata ran in front of him and stopped with both hands on his hips. “It’s a _bet.”_ He smirked and Kageyama swallowed. “You’re gonna give me a tour of this town and I, Hinata Shouyou, am going to pull my biggest stunt yet.” 

Walking away, he turned on his heels, carefree and dangerous as ever. Kageyama had seen it plenty of times before during recordings, whenever he was going to perform a stunt that so many advised against yet he had his mission and a destination to capture. “I need to meet up with Kenma now, but I’ll be back later! Don’t you think you’re getting off the hook that easy!”

“Ah-“ The door slams and Tobio is… shocked stiff to say the least. _Was that for real?_

He was about to do some other chores to focus his consciousness, but everything kept leading him back to that what just transpired.

The bell rings again and a chuckling familiar face comes back in, rosy cheeks either from the cold or embarrassment. “...I, uh, forgot my wallet.” Hesitation coming with each step, Hinata grabs his lost item which had been in the middle of the whole shop. 

Before leaving, Hinata whispers his tagline he always says before performing a stunt. “Take off!” And for real this time, he is gone and Kageyama is stunned. So in a daze that he neglects to see Tsukishima shove the backdoor’s bark forward.

“Fucking hell, Kags. I thought I told you we need to fix the door handles in this place… Why are you smiling?”

“Do you believe in destiny, Tsukishima?”

“I believe that you still need to fix up the doors.”

Kageyama nods but in his mind he thinks of the peculiar circumstances. _If there is such a thing as fate, this has to be it. Right?_

_Right?_

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

  
  


“Told you we should have checked the weather,” Yachi repeated to Yamaguchi as she rubbed her mittenless hands.

“We only need to take one more stop.” He looked over at the blonde, who was shivering next to him and one degree away from turning into an icicle. Sighing, he was fine with taking a detour for both their sakes, as he was starting to wear thin from the weather and bags pulling on his arms.

Nodding to Yachi, he steered her to an outside local cafe pop-up not too far. The line was usually long, but considering that it had started to snow and most had their weather forecast known hours ahead, there weren’t many people purposefully walking. Only one buyer in front of them and then finally sweet coffee and hot cocoa at last.

“Yachi, you can get whatever you want, but no negotiation or refusing from me treating you to their famous chocolate croissants.” He grinned as Yachi playfully shoved him, not too much to lose his footing on the icy sidewalk.

“Are they as famous as the croissants we made junior year?”

“These ones got in the newspaper, whereas ours got us _writing_ apology letters to the fire department.” They both snickered aloud, not even trying to hide their laughter that came with the embarrassment and image those burning pastries developed.

Yamaguchi was pulled out of it once he heard the patron's voice and name for the order. 

“Tsukishima.”

Yachi must have seen him frozen as she waved a hand in front of his unmoving eyes. Why was he suddenly tense? He wanted to run and catch up with Tsukishima, so why were his legs telling him to dash for their parked car blocks away?

The snow continued to drift away and both boys stood as if the ice held them in iron grips. Yachi decided to thaw the tension, twirling the taller figure and reaching for his hand. 

“I don’t think we’ve properly met before. I’m Yachi Hitoka, nice to meet not in a doorway.” And although Yamaguchi was timid at times, so was Yachi, but she happened to make that anxious energy into an adrenaline rush and push her forward. 

Kei, in silence, mumbled in agreement before using that same hand to grab his coffee. He looked back at Yamaguchi, obviously waiting for him to do something.

He did do something, albeit a bit dumb, but it was still something. 

“Super happy to see you’re better! Christmas miracle!!”

Sloshing around his cup, a little bit of the brown liquid came over the cap. He didn’t look up or change his stoic look as he replied. “Finally one of my Christmas wishes comes true.”

The mood, as well as Tadashi’s face, dropped, the latter fiddling with the bag’s handles. “I, um.” He didn’t know what to say, so he spat yet another idiotic string of words. “Did you get my message?”

“Yeah.”

The air and words were cold, making Yamaguchi’s heart sting. The sidewalk’s lamps were trying to flick on, seeing as though it was getting darker outside. “Oh.”

“Anyways, I need to be going, but… tell your Mom thanks for the soup.” He proceeded to walk away, and Yamaguchi was prepared to let it end like that before Yachi gave him a more ‘generous’ hug, making him slide against Tsukishima’s back.

Face smashed into the back of his winter jacket, Yamaguchi uddered a soft. “I hope you talk to me soon.” He felt his muscles tighten and empty arm’s fingers drumming against his leg. 

“Be safe. The roads are tricky right now.”

Yachi couldn’t decipher much from where she was but tried to piece the never-ending puzzle in front of her. And she was sure soon she would have all but one slot in place.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

  
  


For some reason, that night’s hangout location was at Daichi’s restaurant. Specifically, because 1. Free food and reserved upstairs seating that was mainly for catering parties and 2. Suga and Daichi had last-minute calls for a plan that could bring back revenue. Or that was the dream at least.

The usual crowd was there, though Kageyama was absent at the moment. Akaashi was responding to business inquiries on his phone in his own booth, fingering typing at an alarming speed. Kenma was taking a nap on a booth’s cushion, or at least trying. It was hard with all the noise Kuroo was making, playing Marco Polo with a blinded Bokuto, having to navigate through strategically placed chairs and tables.  
  
Tsukishima was finishing the last of the drink, his latte going lukewarm minutes ago. He couldn’t shake off how he was feeling bittersweet. He’d been wanting Yamaguchi to come back for a long time, but now that he _was_ here all hypothetical scenarios were obsolete. He never accounted for a girlfriend coming back home with him. 

After a laugh and metal ringing against the floor, Bokuto had tripped over yet another obstacle. They both decided to stop before Daichi came up to stop the noise complaint, instead of shifting their attention and footing to Tsukishima. 

_Lucky me._ He thought before the two of them sandwiched him with two more chairs on both sides. Bokuto and Kuroo leaned on the table with similar smirks and Kei knew he wasn’t getting out of this on his own. 

“What is it?” His tone was unamused and so was his expression. 

“Just wondering who put you into a sour mood,” Kuroo asked, kicking at his foot. 

_Myself, ultimately._ “No one you know.” 

“So it’s that _guy_ .” He seemed eager to finally be in on the details that Tsukishima had kept him in the dark about. He wasn’t there when it unfolded and Kei wasn’t in the mood to dissect it yet again.  
  


Kei just wanted them _away_ , so he tried to be vague enough to get them off his back. “No, it’s the girl with him.” It backfired. 

The sandwich was now an uncomfortable hug on both ends, squeezing him hard yet caring. Wheezing out “If I wanted to be smothered, I would have just stayed at home” with the last full breath he had. 

“Heartbreak can be tough, buddy.” 

“We’ve all been there.” 

He struggled to break free as Bokuto patted his head, making his glasses shift. Luckily, someone who looked like Kageyama came up the stairs and broke the concentration. The clone walked up to Akaashi, giving him a quick cheer for keeping busy with work. He then took off his fuzzed outside jacket and draped it onto Kenma, who gladly took it as a blanket. 

Standing in front of the remaining three, Kuroo got out of his chair and held the robot by his shoulders. “Say the codeword.” His eyes were stern while Fake-Tobio smiled proudly. 

“Prince Eric.” Then he released the now confirmed real Kageyama and pushed out the wrinkles. 

The interrogator turned around victorious and reassured the two. “He checks out.”

Tsukishima was confused and so was Bokuto, to some extent. “What?”  
  
“Oh, I forgot you weren’t there, Tsukishima. Remember when we watched The Thing?” He nodded as Kuroo continued. “So, we made a code to say to make sure we can trust each other in case anyone seemed off.” Then pointing to the still giddy Kageyama to further his point.

“Wait, wha-”  
“I thought the code was ‘Li Shang?’”

Tilting both his head and glasses, he also wanted to get to the bottom of the situation. “He was happy at work too.”

“What’s so weird about me having a good day!” Kageyama pleaded out, hands shoved into his pockets.

“Everything about it is weird”, Kenma chimed in as he redid his sleeping position.

Rolling his eyes, he stared back at the trio. “I don’t see the big deal is all.” 

A bing from an almost-asleep Kenma’s jacket made Kageyama scurry over. Leaning over, he looked excited and then deflated in an instant. “Sorry, it’s not your boyfriend messaging me.”

“Boyfriend?!” Bokuto grabbed Kageyama and twirled him once before giving him a fist to bump. “I knew you’d get one before the year ended!” This notion caused Kuroo to sigh before grabbing a dollar out of his hand. 

“W-We’re not dating.” Defensively he put his arms in the air and offensively pushed Bokuto away for distance. “I just gave him a tour of the town was all.” 

There was another buzz from Kenma, lifting himself up to speak before going back down. “Hinata said thanks for the dinner and walk around.” 

All eyes were on Kageyama who ran across the room and into the bathroom, locking it behind him as the two protesters tried to tear open the door and tight lips. 

“Who’s this Hinata guy?!”

“Wait, is that the stunt dude you always watch!?” 

A mumbled ‘ _I’m not telling you shit!’_ came from the metal door, still latched shut. 

Kei was thankful for the distraction, but with it came the memories from earlier and even further back from leaking back in. Maybe he would take up the offer to talk, maybe he wouldn’t. Would it be easier to get concrete answers or continue on with unsolved suspicions? 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Yamaguchi was reading on his bed, his back on the blanket and feet against the wall. The room was naturally dark due to the navy paint and even more so due to the dim light outside. The light on his nightstand was enough and the unexpected hallway light making him squint was plenty. 

Thankfully Yachi closed the door as fast as she opened it, reversing the blinding light’s effect. She sat on the edge of the bed, feet hanging off and lightly floating. The silence made Yamaguchi drop his book and shift himself over the bed alongside her. 

“Did you cheat on him?” 

“What?!”  
  
She looked upset that he was confused, slightly biting the inside of her cheek. “Did you break up on bad terms? Did he hurt you?” Yachi pulled his hands into her own and now her tone was more empathic. “I care for you a-and I just want to know if he's like... a felon or something?!"

Breaking the hold, Yamaguchi scoured for the words to explain how off she was. “N- _No_! It’s nothing like that!”

“Then what _happened?”_

He smiled to himself, maybe to her or perhaps towards the memories as a whole. “You make it seem like it's a simple thing to explain.”

“‘Dashi, if I’m going to be staying in town with you, I’d want to know.” There was another period of silence, this one not as long. She whispered, hoping to finally understand _something_. “Please.”

“If you really wanna know…” Yachi nodded, ponytail slightly bouncing as she did. Yamaguchi nodded as well and also gripped the edge of the sheets. “First of all, you should know that Tsukishima had nothing to do with it. It’s my fault things ended the way they did.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

_The wind had been terrible that day, especially during the nighttime. So that’s why Yamaguchi was breaking his promise and prematurely finishing his hot cocoa. He knew Tsukki would make fun of him but he was about to turn to ice and needed_ something _to heat him up._

_Almost if on cue, his boyfriend snickered and commented. “Thought you said this year you’d ‘conserve your drink’ before the night was over. How’s that turning out for you?”_

_In retaliation, he pushed him enough to get the point across. Staring with a defensive demeanor, he replied. “That’s not fair! It’s freezing outside!” Tsukki still had his sly and cunning smile on, equally making Yamaguchi want to slap it away or kiss it better._

_Even better, he needed his drink more than ever since it started snowing again. A shiver overcame him and his breath was shaky, which Kei had caught. With a smile, he unwrapped his scarf and tied it around Tadashi._

_Blushing, he copied his smile and spoke in soft words. “Thank you.”_

_“Anything for you, Yama.” Before he could process it, Yamaguchi was being led away from the pier’s bars and towards the Christmas tree light, or so he assumed._

_That was until they took a right instead of heading straight, going up the mountain’s trail. It was poorly lit on most days, but because of the festivities, it was lined with candles. A little odd considering most don’t come up here, but it_ was _the fifth anniversary. ‘Go big’, Yamaguchi figured._

_With every passing step, Yamaguchi’s curiosity climbed higher. But, he trusted Tsukki. He knew he would never do anything to harm him, so there must be a fitting reason. Once they got to the top of the mountain’s viewpoint, Yamaguchi could take a moment to breathe._

_It looked magical from up here. The usually bare and rusting bar was decorated with tinsel and fake candles around the ends. He turned to see Tsukki, who was already looking for his reaction._

_“Do you like it?”_

_  
_ _  
_ _“Try_ love _it!” Then gave his boyfriend a hug, smiling into his collar. “Did you do this?”_

_Nodding, the gesture made Yamaguchi’s heart pace a little faster. He really did know how to sway him._

_“I heard that this spot gives a better lens of the tree and the town, so I figured we should give it a try.”_

_Giggling, Yamaguchi dragged him towards the bars and together they took a look to dissect the place they’d called home for so long. Yamaguchi draped his arms over the top and exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was keeping inside._

_“Tadashi?” Shifting his gaze, he saw a fidgeting Kei picking at the silver and gold tinsel. “Can I kiss you?” Those amber eyes looked duller as if the color was drifting from his face. His stomach dropped and he grabbed for his arm._

_“Of course, do you even need to ask?” To try and console him, Yamaguchi leaned in and gave him a sweet and careful kiss, hoping that his happiness could somehow transfer over to his anxious boyfriend. “Are you alright?” He finally asked as he pulled them apart._

_He certainly looked better, exhaling on top of the tip of Yamaguchi’s freckled nose, which made it title for a moment. “Yeah, I’m good now.” He lifted his bangs and pressed his lips onto his forehead, which made both of them chuckle to themselves. “Hey, here’s an idea. I’m gonna take a picture of you looking over the town’s lights. I’ll look spectacular… I just know it.”_

_Huffing, he submitted and gave one last laugh under his breath. “The things I do for you.” Looking out over, he actually tried to find each landmark and the plaza where the lighting ceremony was held. He saw Tsukki’s Mom’s store, both their houses, the school, friend’s places, and everything else except for… “... Hey Tsukki, I can barely see the tree? I thought you said it was supposed to be a good… view…”_

_Turning was a mistake. The same feeling came back but instead, it was anxious dread that filled his whole being. This wasn’t… it wouldn’t be … that wasn’t possible._

_He ran._

_Yamaguchi hated to admit it but he ran, far_ far _away. And if he was correct, tears were running down his face as well. Probably running down Tsukki’s face as well. That would be the last time he’d see him smile, now all there would be were frowns. Or that’s what he assumed because how could they recuperate from this?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Instead of seeing a tree and town light up with his boyfriend, he was essentially extinguishing the only light he’d had in his life._

_He didn’t even answer the question Tsukishima had whispered from where he was grounded, kneeling in the damp grass and dirt path._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_“Will you marry me?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the truth is revealed . where do we go from here ?  
> (well we have three chapters lefts so theres gotta be something)
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated <33

**Author's Note:**

> hoping to post the next chapter sometime later this week ! 
> 
> tell me what you think and any theories as to what happened/ think will happen !! (i wont confirm or deny any theories ;) )
> 
> follow me on twt @akutagi for more updates


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